wise words
Posted by: mehabdaily on: April 20, 2009
The beginning of everything…
…usually comes from the end of something. You are at the precipice of great change, and if you can embrace it – and if not embrace it, put up with it – and if not put up with it, then grit your teeth and swear a lot and keep moving forward like a mailman working dilligently through a snowstorm – you will one day look back on this time with a bittersweet sentimentality, as this was the time that gave birth to a new you that was large enough to swallow this disappointment whole and still have room for love and optimism and hope and faith. This larger version of you will be the same size as before, but like a clown car at the circus, will contain more than seems materially possible. My best wishes on your journey.
Oh, and Him? Don’t worry about him. He’s just a distraction now.
s/hero: rihanna – what’s love go to do with it? a whole helluva lot…
Posted by: mehabdaily on: April 8, 2009
its hard enough dating.
its worse fighting your lover.
but to be in the public spotlight and engage in such a public display of violence with your lover is a WHOLE OTHER STORY.
admission: i’ve done this. a former boyfriend and I had a passionate, incredibly loving but heated relationship. it started with minor bitching and escalated to full on violence. i say you haven’t experienced the true human ugliness until a man has hit you square in the mouth. but the worst part is when you have no qualms about hitting him right back.
rihanna is fearless however. on what would be one of the biggest weekends of her life, the tension within her relationship was peaking far before that faithful evening in hollywood that will forever blemish her career. she did what most women will never do even when they love the person – she told on him.
and it does NOT matter that they are rich, famous and beautiful. it doesn’t matter that her lawyers will make her look good, use her celebrity to help HIM beat the charges, its that she knew enough was finally enough and no matter what the losses, LIVING was more important than dying. though they got back together soon after, it was short-lived. and for good reason. its hard to look at someone when they’ve disappointed you so much and the love that is felt is strong so you want to see that person to maybe attempt to make sense of what transpired.
but this is why i called rihanna a s/hero. because she opened herself to criticism for her choices and she heard her fans and the public. processing this trauma from within and doing so in a safe environment is more important than accepting gifts and cupcaking with your man. her actions will no doubt have an effect on her future and her public persona.
deifying her like a tina turner is too soon. this young girl has not LIVED close to the life Ms. Turner has and we can only hope she will never have to suffer like that again.
if you suspect that your partner is violent, my immediate suggestion is to run, not walk the other way.
do not allow yourself to be battered emotionally and/physically. generally, when a person has experienced trauma early in life (rihanna’s father was an abusive drug addict, chris’ father was absentee) they act out in different ways. this does start from the parent and i do point fingers at their upbringing – does this mean they are to blame for what’s occurred here? no, chris and rihanna are grownups and in complete control of their futures.
if you are beaten or hurt, call 911 and report the incident, do not be embarrassed!
make sure you have a close friend who will protect you either by offering support, or allowing you a place to stay if the offender lives with you.
there is a monstrous beast whom nearly takes your life, then there are “love taps” which cause a chain reaction. violence is violence, the hardest part is saying your sorry? no the hardest part is coming to the realization that the love of your life is really a threat to your livelihood.
do not become a victim! – you are stronger than you think!
do not submit to the cycle! – if it happened once, it will happen again!
break your silence! – tell someone close to you and get the help you need!
- kween
im so sensitive, i’m numb: when he thinks he’s helping you
Posted by: mehabdaily on: April 1, 2009
Dr. Manhattan - "When you left me, I left Earth."
Dr. Manhattan’s goal was to save the world in “Watchmen”, but it was his relationship with Silk Spectre II that needed some TLC. Ultimately, if you saw the movie, well you know the explosive end to that whole thing…
occasionally men have a tendancy to protect your feelings. here’s why this is insulting:
a- it implies you are too weak to handle yourself. chances are, unless you are incredibly irrational, your reaction is to something fairly negative.
b- it is not his job to protect YOUR feelings. he needs to take responsibility for himself while being concerned for you, but lying and skirting the issue only leads to endless heartbreak.
c- the only way to solve a problem is to find a productive way to discuss it, openly and without pushback.
he cannot alter your destiny and vice versa. if a relationship is to withstand the test of time, you must learn to communicate your issues like adults.
review the basics of a healthy functioning relationship and earmark what youre missing and brainstorm way to get it, if its lacking.
- respect
- affection
- dignity
- privacy
- commitment
- (responsibly) express thoughts
- ideas and feelings
wtgn?: volunteerism is up!
Posted by: mehabdaily on: April 1, 2009
From the NY Times…
Urged by President Obama’s call to volunteerism, and bolstered by the faltering economy and staggering job losses, more are rushing to help those more in need than themselves…
It’s easy to fall back on your laurels…PLUS the notion that you are tight on funds, losing hope in the economy and worried about making ends meet – but giving of your time, whereever possible is highly encouraged and GREAT for your soul.
recently, a friend told me that ONE HOUR of service is the equivalent of $19.50/hr of work to an organization, and it will look AMAZING on your resume!
say “ahh” to discount spa services
Posted by: mehabdaily on: April 1, 2009
while it only caters to los angeles and new york – check out Lifebooker as often as possible so that it can extend to your town.
With Lifebooker you can search, browse, and book appointments at the top health and beauty spots in your city for free. You’ll not only find exclusive deals, but you’ll earn rewards towards your next appointment each time you book.
spa discounts, big and small! everything from waxing, massage and mani/pedi to detox and accupuncture programs, severely discounted, some up to 50%
if you are a hardcore recessionista like myself, you’ll want to take advantage.
-kween
keep calm & carry on
Posted by: mehabdaily on: March 31, 2009
Keep Calm & Carry On
the story behind this art piece recreated by the brilliant design blogger sfgirlbybay, sold on her equally darling etsy shop is quite interesting: In 1939 when war with Germany was on the horizon, the British Government’s Ministry of Information commissioned a number of propaganda posters to be displayed throughout the country. The only graphic used was the crown of King George VI and it simply read, “Keep Calm and Carry On.”
The poster was never officially issued and remained in storage until it was re-’discovered’ over 50 years later in a pile of dusty old books bought at an auction. the rest is fashionable history. a perfect representation of the state of the world, ideally the image available in vibrant colors should serve as a daily reminder.
put it somewhere you can see it DAILY, get a DIY frame or professional mount and let this chic piece of creative visualization make your day awesome. buy a few and give it to girlfriends when they are feeling low. its sage advice for troubled times.
$25.00
how to relate.
Posted by: mehabdaily on: March 31, 2009
a few of my girlfriends and I recently had disagreements that caused some discomfort, it was either lovers, family, or work…it ran the gamut.
one of the things i learned in my first relationship, was that yes, its so exciting to be able to have a spouse, lover or friend that you can rely on, share details with and use as a sounding board for all that ails you. what is not ok is to use that person as a crash test dummy for your personality quirks.
i recently found myself in a situation where i needed to decide, do i want this relationship to continue, is it healthy for me? can i do what i need to do with and without this person? is it me or just what we bring out in the other? it is very confusing how you can be loving one minute and hateful the next, but at the core, its what you are willing to give to make the relationship work for you and them.
50/50 right?
so what if the other person won’t even give 45? then you have to shake them! just right out of your life. for a week, month, year or forever, you need to have that person removed from you in order to see how you function minus what they may do to weaken you.
i dont like doing these things, and the girls dont either, but once you have space, then you can decide what the end goal needs to be.
here’s how i mehabiltate myself in these situations:
1. immerse myself into what makes me happy and healthy.
if that means going to the gym cause there is nothing more exciting than looking and feeling great, then do it. a 25 minute walk in a bad mood the other day, led me to a healthier heart AND i ran into an old friend i hadn’t seen in 15 years! if you need to sit in a steam room, buy a good book, see a movie you haven’t had the chance to catch, do one a day or take the whole day – but commit to your own happiness without the help of another.
2. acknowledge your discomfort, and say you’re sorry. maybe not even to that person, but apologize to yourself for the pain. you know you are mad, so its ok if you throw a pity party, but then chuck it to the left so you can make things right! write an email and dont send it, do a pros & cons list, whatever you can do to put it out there and out of your mind, an organized thought is not a bad thing.
3. call up friends or family and plan an outing. but use this time to listen to whats going on on their lives, and dish a little about your own, something you may find out, your problems are minute or there is something to said for finding joys in another’s happiness. dont be sour or dour.
once you have mehabilitated your SELF, you will be happy and healthy enough to work with others. space and distance from a situation provides you with AMAZING insight – so DO YOU and do it well and what you put in, you give out.
so take a deep breath and learn to relate well with yourself, so that you can relate better with others.
-kween
what is me/hab
Posted by: mehabdaily on: March 24, 2009
me⋅hab [mee-hab]
noun, adjective, verb, -habbed, -hab⋅bing. Informal.
| 1. | mehabilitation |
| 2. | taking care of yourself first and learning to help others by being a beacon truth, wellness and sophistication. |
| 3. | of or pertaining to mehabilitation: everyone needs a little mehabilitation |
| 4. | to mehabilitate. |
Sally and Jane decided they needed a me-hab. They were completely OVER the long work week and decided to take off to the beach, grab a mani/pedi, take a nice hike up Temescal – they felt so much better by Sunday, the me-hab was necessary.
